Friday, January 29, 2010


Just Drop Your Jeans and I'm On It!

She Wants Some of My Action


Three Times ...

I Can You See You Now!

Often people come into an emergency room because they can’t find their contact lens. Sometimes we find it folded and tucked beneath the eyelid. But there are other times when it is nowhere to be found.

So where is it? Probably at home, on the floor or in the bathroom sink.
Anatomically speaking there is nowhere else for it to go.
People also come to the ER for help in locating a number of other misplaced items, including tampons, condoms and car keys.

NikkiJ has lost her contacts lens before. I have never lost one in a tampon, but once I lost it next to the large box of condoms on my nightstand. I have lost one in my bed before … and for that matter in a lover‘s bed as well. Once I found one in my panties. I have no idea how it got there.

On another occasion I thought I lost it at the gym but that was really the sweat beads puddleling on the floor as Jason was hammering me doggie style late one night.

So where have you misplaced your contact lens?


Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Who Here Have Had Two at Once?

1. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes? Goes-in-tight.
2. What does a 72-year-old snatch taste like? Depends .. 3. What's "68"? You do me and I owe you one.
4. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Gagged!
5. What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates? A tearjerker
6. Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters will improve your sex life? Because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything.
7. How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb? Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!
8. What's the definition of a vagina? The box a penis comes in.
9. What two words will clear out a men's restroom? "Nice dick!"
10. What do you call a truckload of vibrators? Toys for twats.
11. Why do we have orgasms? How else would we know when to stop?
12. What's the definition of indefinitely? When your balls are slapping against her ass, you're in definitely.
13. Define transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink & be Mary!
14. What do a dildo and soy beans have in common? They are both used as a meat substitute. 15. What do you call kids born in whorehouses? Brothel sprouts.
16. What is every Amish woman's private fantasy? Two Mennonite.
17. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood? His hand caught fire.
18. Why is sex like a game of bridge? You don't need a partner if you've got a good hand.
19. What do you call a smiling roman with pubic hair between his teeth? Gladiator.
20. Why do you get paid more at the sperm bank than at the blood bank? Sperm is handmade. 21. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it.
22. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use a lubricant.

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